


held up by a puppet string (you can drag me out)

by no_second_chances



Series: a ballad bathed in crimson dye [1]
Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, my first work in this fandom and i'm bringing pain, pretend like this isn't me venting for 400 hundred words okay, yeah uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29237748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_second_chances/pseuds/no_second_chances
Summary: jaewon is tired.
Series: a ballad bathed in crimson dye [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150487
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	held up by a puppet string (you can drag me out)

**Author's Note:**

> uh massive trigger warning for this entire thing

jaewon is exhausted. 

he’s lived his life thus far burning with emotions, thoughts, and feelings but now-

now he’s just _exhausted_.

he used to look forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel; everyone’s always talking about it, after all. 

“it’ll get better” or “you’ve got this” used to be enough. 

he wonders when that changed.

jaewon knows some part of him disappeared the day he was ~~told~~ asked to become wyld, but he’s truly been running on fumes up until now.

he’s finally crashed and burned. 

his bed is the only place he feels safe.

god. 

isn’t he supposed to be an adult?

it shouldn't be this draining to brush his hair, to take a shower. 

the food he once enjoyed feels like lead in his stomach.

for how much coffee he drinks, it’s odd how tired he always is.

funny. 

sometimes, when the room is pitch black and all he can hear is the sound of daehyun’s breathing and rain pattering on the roof, he thinks it would have been best if he never existed at all.

he doesn’t want to end his life- he _doesn’t_. he would never do that to his mom. to the fans who have stuck by him. to jun.

but he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about it. 

at first it struck him as nothing big. ~~_everyone gets those thoughts, right?_ ~~

sometimes in the dark of the night and the comfort of warm sheets he wishes he could simply fall asleep and never wake up. those thoughts, while worrying, are mostly peaceful. they aren't exactly welcomed, but they aren't unsettling.

then there are the intrusive thoughts, which are _disturbing_. he’s taken to avoiding the kitchen, because his skin is fragile and those knives are _sharp_.

and he doesn’t want to _die_ , he just wants a break.

~~_is that really it, jaewon?_ ~~

another thing?

his mind is deafening in how quiet it is.

there used to be a pleasant stream of thoughts that ran through his head at all hours, but he finds himself floating more often than not nowadays. he doesn’t realize he's gone until someone puts a hand on his shoulder and shakes him back into reality. the contact jars him out of the sheer _nothingness_ of his mind.

for something that's supposed to be loud, his brain is doing its damned best at failing its job. 

sometimes the destructive thoughts that flood his mind are acceptable just because he’s hearing something that isn’t radio silence. 

even his subconscious has abandoned him.

how fitting.

yeah, jaewon is fucking exhausted.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so i've been lurking in this fandom for months? and? i post depressing shit as the first thing? 
> 
> title from lilies by roland faunte


End file.
